How Can You Love With So Much Pain?
by Sabbiecat
Summary: Hey! I'm back! This is another Sora fic. Mention of Taiora, but only how that ended for them. Ummm....rated nc-17 for later chapters. there will also be some yuri stuff in here and a one sided Sorato.
1. Default Chapter

Hey!! I'm baaaack!! Took a little break, but then was hit by this very interesting fic idea..It's rated R for later chapters, which I will eventually write. I'm not gonna rush this one like I did with the my other story, Sora's Problem. Well, here it is, enjoy! By the way, it's in Sora's POV.  
  
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon, and suing me would get you nothing, CUZ I'M POOOOORRRR!!!!! Daaaaa!!!  
  
A/N: The little stars ** mean Sora is thinking.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"So, why does he hate me?" I asked Matt yet again.  
  
"I don't know, Sora. We were talking about you and..."  
  
"Hold on...you were talking about me?" *Now things are going to get interesting*  
  
"Yea, well...he kinda just mentioned how he thinks it's pretty gay that you just punch him for no reason."  
  
"It's called playing around. Fine, If Tai wants to be like that. I don't care!" I was on the verge of tears and quickly breaking down. * If only I had my scissors with me.* I reflected on that thought for a moment. It's funny how my way of dealing with emotional pain was to inflect physical pain on myself. I never did understand self-mutilation.  
  
"Sora, he's been like this with every1-"  
  
"Yea, cause he thinks he's so cool, with all his popular new soccer friends. Just cause we're in the high school and there are new people here, doesn't mean he should ignore the rest of us! Whatever....I'm outta here!" I told a rather shocked Matt. I usually didn't blow up...I kept it inside until I got to my scissors, then all was relieved. I walked home and thought about everything that had happened between Tai and me. We were destined to fall apart, that was all I could think of. How it was fate's cruel joke to make me fall in love with my best friend and then have him make an ass of himself and be torn out of my hands! *Life sucks* I mussed to myself. I got into my apartment and went straight to my room. I took out the scissors and rolled up my sleeves. I stretched my arm out and slashed at it rapidly with the scissors. I got 4 cuts and then stopped. I took a deep breath and smiled. *Such a sweet remedy* I put the scissors back on my dresser and rolled my sleeve back up. I sighed and laid down on my bed. *I hope I find someone who loves me* I thought before drifting off into an unsettled slumber.  
  
~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dream=  
  
I was sitting in a dark alley, all alone. It was cold and there was something behind the big dumpster. It was moving slowly towards me and I was trying to run, but couldn't. Suddenly, Tai came out from behind the dumpster with one hand behind his back. "Hey, what's up?" I asked, a little relieved that it was just good old Tai. "Nothing. Hey Sora, I have a present for you. I know you haven't been feeling well lately, so I figured I'd make things easy for you." Upon saying that, he brought his arm around from in back of him and pointed a gun at me.  
  
"Listen Tai, I don't know what you think your doing but-"  
  
*Bang*  
  
~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~**~*~*~  
  
I sat up in my bed,.my forehead dripping with sweat. I laid back down and buried my face in the pillow and just let the tears flow. *What a horrible dream...and the sad thing is, I don't doubt Tai would do that now* I just started to cry harder; I couldn't take all this anymore. We could never be friends again, it was just impossible for our friendship to be brought back from the ruins. "And it's all because I had to go and fall in love with him." I said aloud in between sobs. That night I cried myself to sleep, and experienced a rather uncomfortable sleep, full of tossing and turning.  
  
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!!  
  
Well, that's the first chapter. Please r&r!!! I love all you ppl who read my other fics!! But review this one so I know what to do for the next chapter and it doesn't get screwed up like the last fic!! ^_^ 


	2. What happens when I end it?

Here's the second chapter. This is a very screwed up story!! You have been warned! Nobody dies (yet, I haven't decided for sure) and there will be some yuri (one-sided). I really don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this, but all I have to say is that it's interesting. Well, enjoy!! ^_^ R&R oh, and it's in Sora's pov!! (and Mimi and Izzy are suppose to be dating.that shall change though) Tai bashing (which I'm really sorry for, I really do like Tai, he just has to be an asshole in this story.^_^;;)  
  
**Standard Disclaimer  
  
Chapter 2: What happens when I end it?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"What do you think it meant?" Mimi asked gently while rubbing my back.  
  
"I guess that we're completely through." I said solemnly. I had felt scared, to say the least, after my dream, so I naturally turned to my best friend. Oh, and of course Izzy was there. *But that's ok, he gives great advice*  
  
"I think you should just forget about him. He's a jerk and blows everyone off." Izzy said. He never did get along with Tai, so his first reaction was to just say screw him.  
  
"I know....He's just everywhere I go." I said, giving in to a few tears.  
  
Mimi hugged me closed, "It's all going to be alright."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I was standing outside of advisory a little after my comforting secession with Mimi and Izzy, when I overheard a friend of mine mentioning a party I happened to be attending.  
  
"Yea, I have an idea of what I'm going to get her, but not totally sure." the voice said, as I turned around. I meet eyes with Matt, and he waved me over.  
  
"What's up?" I asked.  
  
"Umm....nothing. Did Stephanie tell you who she invited to her sweet 16?" Matt asked cautiously.  
  
*A little too cautiously.*  
  
"No, who?" I asked, giving him a quizzical look.  
  
"Tai" he practically whispered.  
  
"WHAT?!?!?! You have got to be kidding me! I'm not going! And since when has she talked to him this year?!?!" I was screaming by now, but I really didn't care. Mimi must have heard me cause she came over and dragged me into a hidden part of the hallway.  
  
"You have to calm down" she said gently. Izzy came running into the area.  
  
"What happened? " He asked, " All I heard was you yelling. You sounded beyond pissed about something."  
  
"How very observant of you!" I spat bitterly.  
  
"No need to attack me just cause-"  
  
"Enough you two!" Mimi said sternly. "Now Sora, what happened?"  
  
"Tai was invited to Stephanie's sweet sixteen." I said softly, feeling my eyes well up with tears.  
  
*Not now! Not in school!! I just can't cry in school..*  
  
"Well, so was I. And if he starts anything with you, I'll personally kick his ass." She stated. "New skirt or not." she added to lighten the mood a bit.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Yea, well at least I don't walk around pretending to be something I'm not! I'm true to myself, thank you very much." I yelled at Tai, as Matt and Joe did their best to stop him from hitting me.  
  
*He never did mind hitting a girl.*  
  
" Shut up you psycho bitch!" He yelled, swinging his fists violently.  
  
"That's it" our friend Stephanie yelled. "You guys either stop, or leave!"  
  
"No need to threaten, I know how much you'd prefer to have Tai here over me!" I yelled, tears springing to my eyes. I walked out of the house stiffly, doing my best to look angry and not sad.  
  
As soon as I was far enough from the house, I started running. I ran as fast as I could all the way home. I had to pause and gasp for breathes as I waited for the elevator to come down to the main level. I opened the door to my apartment and peeked inside. Just as I thought, neither my mom, nor my father was at home. I walked inside and locked the door behind me. I went into the bathroom and took out a bottle of my mom's pain killers. I popped 6 into my mouth and swallowed them. Then I went to my dad's room, and took out one of his razor blades. I went back to my room, feeling a bit drowsy. I turned my music on and choose a CD. The song blared over the speakers.  
  
"Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort...."  
  
I put the blade to my wrist and cut myself. Then I repeated the action with the other hand. I knew that if anyone found me, it'd be too late to help me. I lied down on the bed and closed my eyes, humming the song. Things started to go black, and I thought of nothing but welcoming it. Then I heard a scream pierce my thoughts.  
  
Well, that's the end of the second chapter!! Sorry for any spelling errors, but I was in a hurry to post this. Please R&R!! Flames will be used to roast marshmallows while watching all the anime DVDs I got for Christmas!!!! Tehe!! Next part to be out soon!! 


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